Monday, April 28, 2008

Not My Achy-Breaky Heart!

I find myself scraping columns left and right these days for more pressing matters. I have done it again with this column. This column was going to be about the good Rev. Jeremiah Wright and his address to the Detroit chapter of the NAACP and how I, having seen the entire speech in context, still think he is a race-baiting bigot who wants black kids to be powerless victims more than he wants equality.

But, I think Miley Cyrus is more important than the Reverend Doctor.

This week my niece’s and cousin’s favorite performer appeared in Vanity Fair. The photos showed her bare back, holding a blanket in front of her chest. The 15 year old pop star and Disney meal ticket was billed on DrudgeReport as being “semi-nude” and on Entertainment Tonight and ABC as “semi-topless”. When in fact there was LESS skin showing than shows with most modest swimsuits.

Well, is it then implied-nudity? Because she is obviously “nude” under the blanket she holds. Uh? I guess so, but then I guess I am also implying nudity by wearing jeans and a T-shirt, because as horrible an image as it conjures… I am nude under my clothes, as I assume most of you are as well.

So, hyperbolic spin aside does this photo shoot go too far? If there had never been a Brittany Spears or a Madonna, no. But there has been, and therefore it did. Hannah Montana is barreling down the slutty path pioneered by Brittany and Madonna. It is not too late for her. She can pull back the reins and remain one of Hollywood’s good-girls. To do this she needs to require her entourage to surrender their camera phones back-stage so no more tabloid fodder escapes into the irretrievable ether (the internet), fire her stylist that suggested a plunging neckline to the Nickelodeon KIDS Choice Awards show and finally she needs a conservative uncle, cousin or friend to kick Achy-Breaky’s behind for allowing his daughter to continue this kind of behavior!!!

Please do not get me wrong, I am not suggesting we meet in the town square and burn our Miley/Hannah CDs, Movies, Games, Dolls, Clothes, Lunch Boxes or other swag. I am merely suggesting that we keep an eye on the young starlet and hope for the best. Hope that she starts acting like a Rated-G Disney star instead of clamoring to be a R-Rated Lolita.

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