Politician to English Dictionary

Excerpts for the yet to be published “Politician to English Dictionary.”

When a Democrat politician says:

I support the troops in Iraq!

Translation:

I vote against spending for them to accomplish their mission, I question their methods, I equivocate between freedom fighter and terrorist, I down play their success and point to their failures to gain political power for myself and my party even though doing so gives indirect aid and direct comfort to the enemy, thereby endangering the troops and prolonging the conflict. I also where an American Flag lapel pin.

When a Republican politician says:

I support the troops in Iraq!

Translation:

I vote for all defense spending measures no matter how sound, I hide pork barrel spending that puts defense industry jobs in my district without regard to actual military effectiveness, I over securitize the issues and underplay any soft power efforts as “liberal” or “French”.

When a politician says:

So we can SAVE the children. -Or- It’s for the Children!

Translation:

If you disagree with us you must hate the children. Give me your money and don’t ask questions. Asking questions means you hate the children. Why do hate the children?

When a politician says:

It’s for national security.

Translation:

If you question the means or the ends you are unpatriotic and hate America. Anything that makes us safer is allowed, even if it means taking more of your liberty and property.

When a politician says:

I believe in Free Trade and support Small Business.

Translation:

I believe in trade that is “Free” if by “Free” you mean crippling government oversight and regulation under the guise of the “environmentalism” or “fairness.” Oversight and regulation that makes entering a market almost impossible except for the largest of companies that can afford a cadre of lawyers and accountants.

I support Small Business as long as you are not a White Male. If you are a minority I will arrest the wealth of hard working Americans of all races and sexes and give it to you based on your sex and the color of your skin.

When a politician says:

I am a man/woman of the people!

Translation:

I have never had a real job and have been a politician most of my professional career but I will role up my sleeves for a photo-shoot to make myself look common or blue-collar.

When a politician says:

I am the candidate of Change

Translation:

I am a great speaker and the intonation of my voice and the meter of my speech will make you like me so I don’t need to discuss actual policies and positions.

Or

I implore you to blame all that is wrong with the current governmental situation on the incumbent and elect me to make the exact same decisions when I get into office (as my past actions/voting record will show if you bother to look).